Vulnerability Hangover

Yesterday I had the opportunity to share information with 70+ women at the kick-off day for The Association, a professional development group for women in Las Cruces.

 

𝐓𝐨𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐯𝐮𝐥𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫.

 

A term coined by renowned storyteller and researcher Dr Brené Brown, a vulnerability hangover is the gut-wrenching feeling of shame and fear that pops right after we undertake an emotional risk. It refers to the aftermath we experience in the form of an ’emotional cringe’ upon deciding to put ourselves out there.

 

And while I expected it, it still shocked me.

 

I don’t “do” public speaking and so much healing came up from preparing what I wanted to share with this group of women. Worries like…what if I hurt someone’s feelings. What if I freeze and can’t speak? What if I say the wrong thing? What if I “over-share” (see story below that I had not intended on sharing.)

 

𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫.

 

I shared that I was finally able to poop after I started doing energy healing sessions…but seriously anyone who struggles with IBS *needs* this information but JOHNLYN YOU AREN’T SUPPOSED TO SHARE!

 

Hello voices in my head that can drive me crazy.

 

The gut-brain health issues are a real thing.

 

I learned from the time I was young we hide our stuff.

 

It was the norm.

 

Family secrets stay in the family and are not to be shared with anyone. I didn’t even realize they were secrets I just knew you didn’t talk about them to anyone.

 

Ever.

 

Moving away from that belief, I would love to say is freeing and empowering.

 

It’s been terrifying.

 

Some people in my past (specifically the bobble-head counselor I had) have tried to convince me it’s just uncomfortable.

 

It’s not…for me it’s terrifying.

 

Going against what was ingrained in me as a child doesn’t change overnight.

 

One thing ingrained in me BIG TIME (and I was completely unaware of this!) is one of the 10 commandments.

 

…The Fifth of the Ten Commandments reads: “Honor your father and your mother.” This commandment is so important that it is one of the only commandments in the entire Bible that gives a reason for observing it: “That your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.”

 

Sharing the information I shared yesterday feels like life or death for me. And if I die, I go to hell.

 

The adult logical part of me knows that’s ludicrous. The little one inside of me who experienced what happens when you go against the rules doesn’t agree.

 

This experience has been healing, necessary and worthwhile.

 

The freedom and empowerment will come.

 

Maybe tomorrow, maybe in a year. But more than likely the vulnerability will come back again, especially when I do my next big thing.

Because I’m not done sharing my message. I’m not done growing. And when I am vulnerable I can beat myself up like I used to or I can be gentle and give myself the space to allow the emotions to flow and old memories to surface so they can be healed.

 

During the event, I went on right after Dr. Rossanna Massey who explained everything so well about energy healing. If I had heard the term energy psychology before I had forgotten it and she explained things so well. I kept thinking that’s what I do and she explains is soooo well!

 

I also learned why cussing is so powerful because it’s processed in the brain differently. She doesn’t know it yet but she might be my new BFF !

 

Marci Dickerson gave me the microphone to use…but how was I going to speak if I couldn’t flop my hands around? So they encouraged me to get on the stage and stand at the podium.

 

GULP.

 

I felt like a preacher (I did not want to feel like a preacher.) And the encouragement from the group was beautiful.

 

During the presentation I shared about how:

 

I had no idea that I had experienced trauma during my childhood. And even if I had experienced trauma I believed we just get over our stuff. I was firmly in the camp of “suck it up buttercup, you’re fine.”

 

I was once a religious freak living in fear (terror) to now I am walking by faith not sight.

 

We are needy people and our spirit has needs that must be met. Scrolling on social media, shopping, exercising, eating etc doesn’t necessarily meet those spirit needs if it’s not what we needed in the first place. Our spirits / souls need NOURISHMENT, compassion, nurturing, tenderness, encouragement. By the way, we avoid emotional pain because we had a need that didn’t get met and it’s painful.

 

The Divine gave me a heart message to share with the Association…”𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 “𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐆𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫 (𝐆𝐨𝐝, 𝐔𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞, 𝐚 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲, 𝐞𝐭𝐜.)”

 

In order to achieve, achieve even more and find a healthy balance we must face the emotional pain that comes up. We don’t face the pain because it’s fun (it isn’t… it freaking is called heartache for a reason…it literally hurts!) we face it because the world is desperate for more love (compassion, tenderness, encouragement instead of criticism, judgment, comparing, etc.)

We face the pain because our kids are suffering…society has labeled them as lazy but my belief is that they see my generation as stressed out and depressed and are taking a stand. The younger generations don’t want a life of work, work, work, plus anxiety and depression, but they don’t know how to do things differently.

 

Why it’s so hard to move

beyond the hustle and grind, Work! Work! Work! mentality and into a peaceful, balanced life where we achieve, achieve even more than we thought possible AND feel good.

 

Women struggle due to many reasons – ie. physical issues such as thyroid, throat/jaw issues, but most of all trauma that is held in the sacral/sexual chakra (for most of us this is hidden.) If we want to create the life we want, the hidden trauma has to be addressed that is holding us back. From a judgmental caregiver about the art we created to being sexually violated in some way, it has to be addressed if we want to create the life we want.

Side note…when I asked Sumer (one of the founders of the Association) about sharing this info and doing a healing around the sexual/sacral chakra, I *loved* her perspective “I believe that things only heal & change if we talk about them” AND then she want on to say… “let’s be sure & give them info on where/ how that can seek assistance if need be.”

 

𝐓𝐨𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐯𝐮𝐥𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 “𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭” 𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐞. 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲.

 

Some “experts” tell you to waste energy pushing away “negative” repetitive thoughts.

 

Generally, I teach people to get curious and say “Hello thought! What are you trying to tell me…” No need to judge the thought that plopped into your awareness. “Negative” repetitive thoughts are just indicators that there is some healing work you need to do so you don’t get the thought anymore (it’s an energy vibration thing.)

 

HOWEVER!!!

 

I have done so much healing work around this particular thought, 𝐈 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐠𝐲 𝐈’𝐦 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐲 𝐩𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲.

 

How much I judge myself for this thought.

It’s so natural to push it away and make it go away.

The beautiful part is that my soul wants freedom from the belief that causes the thought so it keeps coming up over and over and over again.

 

Today I had a memory come in (which is actually a flashback, hello PTSD!) and have gained an entirely different perspective around one of the traumas I experienced as a child.

 

Having that perspective has shifted everything for me and I can see things differently now. I am certain that that particular awareness will help to decrease the frequency of the thought or perhaps it will go away entirely.

 

I thought energy healing was what has helped me so much. What I am realizing is that energy healing has helped me take the actions 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐩𝐬 AND face anything that comes up.

 

Energy healing alone couldn’t get me to the trauma I stuffed deep inside.

 

Me taking actions toward what I want to create in my life is what created that opportunity for healing. Me saying “yes, I do speak publicly about issues that are causing suffering,” tells the Universe I’m serious and I’m claiming what I

want more of in my life.

 

I want more authenticity.

 

𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐣𝐨𝐢𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐬𝐲𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧.

 

Feel free to DM me:

If you want me to present the information to your organization. Because I am a public speaker…I am a spokesperson for more love.

 

For those in the Las Cruces area, I offer 3 free classes each month. 2 for Liberated Ladies ‘Uplifting Ladies’, and ‘Unlocking Possibilities’ (healing and support to move past your blocks) and 1 class to support you as you recover from oppressive religious trauma / spiritual (brutal) awakening.

 

For the worksheet I handed out at the event to help you discover what is blocking you.